So, by now you have hopefully read my entry on getting rid of the toxic people in your life. If you haven't you should totally go read it after this, because this is a killer follow up to that!
Find people who are going to educate, motivate and uplift you. Find the ones who see the world in a positive way. Surround yourself with beautiful people... INSIDE! These are the people who have drive, offer assistance, want to spend time in your company. If you don't think you are good enough for these kind of people, then go back to step one (Know Yourself)... and work on that some more! Seriously, these are the people you may have to search for. I found a tribe of them on a Facebook group for single moms who travel. They changed my life in just a few short months. I also tried salsa dancing and learned that I was really good at it. I also happened to meet someone there during the first few months of attending and three years later, we are best friends and live in the same town. We seek one another out often and she is a phenomenal friend, who I would consider family. Finding your tribe isn't always easy and sometimes it takes a lot of work and misfires as well! So here are the steps to finding these people. PS- it takes some work on your end, they aren't just going to come up and say, Hey... My name is Erica (Well- Ok... this did happen to me just once, but I promise it's not always this easy)... Shout out to ONE of my besties, Erica! We literally met like this and in our thirties she put on a pair of hockey skates, just because she knew it would make my day (that is pure friendship at it's best)!
It's NOT a ONE Way Street
When we think of relationships, it's always a give and take in most situations. This is totally true about friendships as well. We have to be the giver to receive! True friendship is one where people aren't easily offended or on the defense when the other has advice, guidance or support for them. They are they friends who are honest (in a loving kind of way), they don't sugar coat shit for you and they are there no matter what, think and thin. They bring our the best in you! These are the people, you enjoy being around and effort just comes naturally and easily! If you have a friend where you are constantly banging your head up against the wall in hopes they will hear you, but they continue to self destruct and take you with them... You my dear... are on a ONE WAY STREET, going the wrong way. So back up, and move on over to another street!
Build Better Interpersonal Skills
Oh, Lord! This could be an entirely different entry... Maybe that will be my next mission after I set the remainder of these free! But basically you need to cultivate a positive outlook, be in charge of your own emotions and acknowledge other's expertise and learn from them. You need to start showing interest in those around you (Family, Friends and colleagues). Start practicing active listening skills and demonstrate empathy for others. If any of this sounds so far fetched... Yikes... Stand by for more to come! Having good interpersonal skills will assist in you meeting new people and forming that relationship with the doers and the go getters of the world! Holla!
Volunteer & Step up in Your Community
While some people are naturally outgoing, others are super shy. I for one am super outgoing, but in an uncomfortable situation or maybe even one that I am going at alone, I tend to be the opposite, super shy and have a hard time meeting new people! However, If you want to meet new people, volunteering is a perfect opportunity for you to practice and develop your social skills while meeting new people. If you are volunteering on a regular basis that you will start to know the people you surround yourself with and figure out who has common interests. If you have not spent a lot of time in your community, I also urge you to do that. Start hanging out at a awesome coffee shop, take a walk in your neighborhood, and go be a TOURIST in your own backyard. If you have a local tourist center, visit it and see what's out there!
In order for you to be positive you have to pay less attention to negative thoughts. You have to receive them, acknowledge them... but you have to be willing to let them go! Spending time with your negativity... will only lead you to one thing. That's right! You guessed it... NEGATIVITY! Be kind to yourself, it's really just a fact. You can not be positive if you are not kind to yourself. Go outdoors and explore. Soak up that Vitamin D and get the good sun rays coast over you. Change your language and start a daily gratitude practice. Shit, I wake up every morning with some money, wealth and abundance affirmations! Which brings me to the next... Pick a personal mantra and repeat it. It could be as easy as taking I AM and adding it to a super powerful POSITIVE word. I personally think you need to have like 7 of these on repeat in your mind all day long!
Dang! I am proud of all my accomplishments
If you walk though life looking angry all the time, chances are you aren't super happy and excited to be alive and well! I know I find it much harder to communicate with someone who doesn't look like they are interested in the conversation. I much rather talk to someone who is smiling, giving me eye contact and presents with open body posture! If you have no idea what that is, google it! If you want to appear to be approachable, this is also the time to put your phone away and take an interest in those around you. A trick I also learned... ask three questions for every statement about yourself. So you share something about you and then you ask others a line up of questions! If you want to really get out of your comfort zone and make yourself more approachable in general, I suggest you travel a lot, often and anywhere! Catch a pic of be below... smiling... I rarely ever go out in public without it on (but if you happen to see me without it, go find a different two way street or catch me as I turn the corner).
Get a Little Uncomfortable
Far too often we listen to our mind. Our mind has been programmed by generations of handed down information, customs, beliefs and values... We become so paralyzed in our minds that we have created patterns of fear. This sometimes makes it impossible for us to do things we have always thought of doing. I for one, got this fear for heights... It was programmed in me from an early age. I tried to overcome it one year where I was with my daughter and nephew on some high rope course on vacation. I made it to level two of four and watched my nephew stay the course at six years old. Damn, that kid had no fear. My daughter and I, we didn't do so good. It wasn't until now, that I realized my fear of heights was instilled in her, because my anxiety and my energy was written all over her face. Fast forward a year and here I was faced with a similar situation, this time it was my daughter, the entire fourth grade and Me! YIKKKKES! I watched my daughter as she went to her course. She took the beginner level position. I on the other hand, thought... I am not getting stuck with her on a rope course and I was pretty sure I was more physically fit than all these fourth graders. So, I took the leap and clamped into the advanced level. I made it past two obstacles and watched my daughter as she was on hers. We cheered each other on from afar, waving and being silly. Lord nearly killed me when I made it to the third obstacle... a telephone pole looking thang, "You want me to climb that." So here I was three kids behind me and one stuck on the pole. I feel in that moment I may have went into the flight response, because before I knew it, I was on top and all the chaperones were below cheering me on and asking me to make sure the kids made it on this course ok. When I tell you, I don't know why they were allowed on it, I mean that from the deepest pit of my belly! Several kids had to be picked up by an expert, others required me to hold their hands and a few... well I just pushed off the platform into the zip lines! So, yeah- get uncomfortable, do not let fear own you and push yourself beyond your limits... because your limits are just a heaping pile of SHIT! (Pics of G and I below... I even found time to grab my phone out, zoom in and get pics of her- but I do not remember doing this at all).
Follow Your Dreams
If my mom is reading this right now, she just said "Follow your dreams and reach for the stars". It's actually something I tattooed on myself as my own personal mantra about seven years ago. However, at the time... I was still in a nightmare and couldn't find my way passed the fog to come out on the other side. It's really taken me all this time to really start following my dreams and reaching for those darn stars! I for one, have always been a dreamer, even in the darkest of times, there was a lot of light! My mom would also say, "she dreams too much." Without them, I am nobody! When you follow what you want in life, you will realize that life itself is worth living and you will meet other dream seekers along the way. You can insprire others, cultivate change and provide for yourself and your family. PS- if you hate your traditional 9-5 job as well.. it's time to start seeking something more meaningful!
Acknowledge the Tough Stuff and Move Past it
We all know life isn't perfect. Maybe we had a rough upbringing, maybe you didn't get that promotion you wanted, divorced, maybe single, parenting wasn't all that and a bag of chips? Take it all in... that's right. Take it in, let yourself mope in it, throw a tantrum like a three year old. Do what you have to do and then LET IT THE FUCK OUT! Once you have acknowledged the pain, worked on it, worked on your mindset, and THANKED THE HELL OUT OF IT... it's time to let it go and move past! No one on high vibes wants you to come crash their party. You better come at me with your best foot forward, a smile on yo' damn face and a few questions for me as you drive on by the two way street!