That's right I said it! If you find yourself gossiping about others or not wanting to be around certain people, it may be time to just say GOODBYE to them. This may not be the easiest thing to do either. You may have been friends with this person for many years, they could be part of your family or maybe they are that friend that you find is super draining to your energy levels and just not good for your chakras! This isn't always easy for us to do, especially for those who really care about others. I can honestly speak from my own experience that just fading away from a toxic friendship (on my end) that it was hard to do at first. It started as a slow fade then a complete ignore mission. It wasn't something I had given months or even weeks to think about. I just knew within myself I had to say goodbye and once I made my mind up, I slowly took that person out of my equation and with little explaining or feeling sorry for that person. It wasn't hard, because I knew within myself it was right for ME! It's what I needed for my own health and well-being.
Whether these people are toxic, negative, don't bring you positivity or just don't add amazingness to your life... it's ok to say goodbye and you are doing yourself and them a favor. I recently went through this because I needed to grow for myself and believe me I felt bad about it, but at the end of the day you have to do what is right and good for you! Often we look at what others need, because we are taught it's selfish of us to think of what we need! I am here to tell you to STOP thinking like that and start taking time to care for your self, it's called self-care, not selfish!
When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying NO to yourself —Paolo Coehlo
Here is a list of why its time to say goodbye for one reason or another in any type of relationship.
They Want to Change You or You Want to Change Them
I for one can speak from living proof of how difficult it was to be in an actual relationship (romantically) with someone where we both wanted to change each other. It came with a lot of frustration and anger, which built to resentment over time. As I am able to look back on it now, it actually makes me laugh that I even put myself in such a position to where I had to say goodbye. If there is something you want to change about someone so badly, why even take the time to pursue that relationship or friendship? This always comes back to improving yourself! Stop trying to change someone or allowing someone to change you... and work on your damn self. I promise you, once you figure this out you won't want to change anything.
Envy is Part of Your Relationship
As Google has shared:
Envy is a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.
Oh Em Gee... If you have a relationship built on Envy, it's actually time to refocus yourself and look inward in what needs to change. Your relationship is built on someone else's HAVES, which means your focus is on your HAVE NOTS! It's time to say goodbye to these people or put them on pause until you can reclaim your life and be excited for all that they have.
They are Negative
I know a lot of different kind of negative people. We got the ones who have a bad relationship with other people, themselves, their life, money and the list can continue on. The four groups of negative nellies to stay away from are the gossiper, the user, the blamer and the complainer! The Gosspier is the one who will spread rumors and gossip about others due to their own insecurities because it makes them feel better. Let's face it, do you really need these people in your life? The user is the one who can manipulate the situation to get what they want without thinking about anyone else's feelings. They also have a reason for why they are doing such and play the victim... UGGGHH! Then you have the blamer. This one you may know pretty well! I sure do! This is the person who also takes on a victim role and points the finger at everyone else except themselves. Then you have the complainer, the one who needs attention by making sure everyone hears their negative poor me story (gag). These people are ENERGY suckers and will leave you feeling all crazy!
You or They LIE
This just comes strait down to respect! Being told the truth no matter what means there is a mutual feeling of respect for one another. Add a lie into the equation then this jeopardizes everyone and can lead to a poisonous friendship or more. Whether you are keeping a secret or lying, you are not bring true to yourself or the other person and it's time to think deeply as to what this relationship is doing for you!
They do Not Value You
We read far to often that respect and value in one another is key to a relationship, so why do we stay with people or continue friendships with those who do not value our core beliefs? There are so many people in this world who would value you, so start seeking them out or look deep within yourself to see if your values and beliefs are a tad bit wonky! I often find myself reevaluating my values taking notice if those around me do not share the same set of morals (or ones similar to my own). It's totally ok to say... Bye Felicia!
Now that we have talked about the people who may bring us down or just aren't good for us in this moment anymore... it's time to think about how one might part with these said people in a positive way; if you are giving them the time of day to do so, that is. I have mentioned before it's ok to just walk away, or drop off the face of the planet SLOWLY... or maybe you want to have a heart to heart about it. Any way is perfectly fine and up to your preference on how to handle the sitch.
Keep the Focus Positive
If you are going to interact with the person, I recommend you keep the parting between you two positive. Do not focus on the negative or on them. Pull from what was good and do not make this about them. Use those I Statements! Keep reading for an explanation below.
Keep it in the Here and Now
Do not go into the past and do not talk about the future. Talk about what you need in your own life right now! Keep the focus on you and the present.
Share Your Sadness (or Don't)
Sometimes we genuinely feel sad about something coming to an end. Other times we feel really relieved! If you are feeling sad about it, share that. If you are feeling indifferent or completely excited about the termination of a friendship... Girrrrllll- keep that sh*t to yourself! We really don't want the other person coming back for more, or leaving the conversation feeling even more like shit!
Basically, take the high road in all situations, doing so will inspire kindness and compassion in yourself and others. Sometimes this may mean we need to button our lip, give them a hug and walk away. This does not mean end in a texting war or by calling one another insults. Although, you should be prepared that if the other person did not see this coming and they are caught off guard or their ego was hurt, they may want to end things in a bitter way. Do not stoop to their level (also- easier said than done). Now, I didn't say it was not ok to have all those feelings or type of that text, or want to scream at them... just don't do it in the presence of anyone! Go home, yell into your pillow, send yourself that text message or write it down and then BURN that sucker!
I & YOU Statements
I Statements force us to take responsibility for our feelings and thoughts. We prevent the use of blaming others and take action in being more compassionate when we communicate. A You Statement is often the go to way in uncomfortable situations because we are pointing out the other person's issues, often what they have done wrong or what they did to make us feel an array of emotions. What a difference in the way we express our emotions. We can either take ownership of our feelings and get all in them, like Drake says... or we can point our fingers and pick a fight! You decide!
I felt lonely when you did not come home to have dinner with me.
I get anxious when you don’t tell me you’re running late.
I feel resentful when you spend time in your home office on the weekends when we have not had time together for weeks.
You always make me feel lonely when you don't come home for dinner. You don't think I care about eating alone.
You are so irresponsible for not calling me, to tell me you are going to be late. You don't think about anyone else!
All you do is work all week. You even bring your work home on your days off.